Yesterday we packed up our buckets and spades and a football and headed for the beach. Since it was the only sunny day forecast for the coming week I thought we should make the most of it. Despite the cold the beach was fairly crowded, because of the half-term holiday I suppose. Still it was nice to see everyone wrapped up against the cold instead of half naked hehe. Town was really packed as well. So anyway the kids had a great time alhamdulillah, made sandcastles and dug holes and generally ran around (so did I run around, to keep the cold at bay). Zudie wouldn't let me have a race with Zeno, started screaming at the mention of it, and also started crying and screaming 'No!' when I tried to play football. Although a lot of his autistic behavours have lessened some of them are still hanging around. I chased him for a bit although he was protesting and acting upset he ran away from me and eventually started laughing. Got him to chase me as well which he did enjoy. As usual Zeno lost interest in his own family and tried to join in with the other groups of people dotted around. Sometimes this is okay sometimes it is a disaster. He started chasing after a toddler and made as if to stop him going near his sandcastles and the parents got a bit jumpy - Zeno doesn't differentiate between a toddler or a teenager in these instances and can come across a bit aggressive. Although when he started chasing a couple of little kids and the girl turned around and slapped him he was very restrained and just laughed and didn't respond.
I'm noticing more and more the unpleasant looks I get whenever we go out in Weymouth. I've started avoiding looking at people because of the hostility I sometimes get. It happened in town yesterday and also when we went for a drive to Corfe Castle the other day. The stares definitely cross the line beyond curiosity into aggression. It's not as if I was dressed all that differently from everyone else there (I do love my jilbab and elbow-length hijab, but I only wear that in London) apart from the hijab tucked into my neckline - just normal clothes from a chainstore, long and warm as suited to the weather. It's worse when it's kids. Once in town these little boys were staring (about 6 or 7 yrs old they were) until one of them blurted out "look Dad it's one of them Muslims!". Of course I gave him a big smile but my heart sank. They must have heard a lot of sensational conversations about Muslims to come out with something like that. Same with the boys (teenagers) who passed by the house when I was sweeping the yard and shouted something about immigrants and getting out of the country. It's unpleasant and dispiriting. Shouting abuse from a speeding car is also a very popular pasttime down here at the mouth of the Wey, that has happened on a number of occasions.
Of course there are all these occasions of racism (which it boils down to even though I could 'pass' for English by my looks and voice), but there are also some very nice people, friendly and helpful. I know that sometimes they are being particularly nice precisely because of the hijab, and whenever I've had the chance to talk for a few minutes with such people they usually express dismay and shame about the muslim-bashing in the media and just among the general population. And thank God for those people who continually restore my faith in human nature.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Hand wringing over Handshakes
So, a Somali Muslim man who was due to receive a reward for fund raising for Amnesty International was snubbed and the award given to someone else because he did not want to shake hands with the female doing the presenting. One look at the comments at the bottom of the article shows what a field day bigots have with this kind of thing.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/ireland/article4188508.ece
Non-muslims always attribute the Muslim attitude of modesty and restricted interaction between the sexes to some kind of superiority complex of the Muslim male. The truth is, it is simply a question of modesty and it applies equally to both sexes - BUT if a Muslim woman didn't want to shake hands with a man, would she be accused of sexism and demeaning behaviour towards men? I'm not sure that she would. More likely she would be accused of an inferiority complex (by non-Muslims I mean).
In Islam, the reasons for not touching, or shaking hands, with the opposite sex are the same for both men and women. It is to avoid any action which may lead to that spark of attraction between two people. If a Muslim man doesn't shake hands with women, it is not because he thinks she is dirty or contaminated, it is actually the complete opposite - he loves women and thinks they are beautiful, they make his heart skip a beat and touching (yes even a handshake) might cause a yearning that he does not want to fulfill, as he wants to obey God and avoid a feeling of attraction to a woman he is not married to. And before you ask, since we can't only refuse to shake hands with people who attract us, it is better to make it a general rule and stick to it for everyone, even those we might find mightily unattractive.
Is there anyone who disputes that men and women have a powerful attraction for each other? Is it admirable or contemptible for a person, man or woman, to want to avoid that feeling of attraction because they prefer to be as 'chaste' as they possibly can? A Muslim should direct all their sexuality towards their spouse - admiring looks, longing gazes, flirtatious words, affectionate squeezes - none of these should go outside the marital relationship. How do 'crushes' develop? From a look, a touch, a joke shared.....married people are not immune, being in love with someone else doesn't always make one immune either. I don't want to leave myself open to that kind of possibility, and many other people feel the same, men and women, Muslim or not. Is that unacceptable in this society? Are we not welcome because we don't want to join in the fun?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/ireland/article4188508.ece
Non-muslims always attribute the Muslim attitude of modesty and restricted interaction between the sexes to some kind of superiority complex of the Muslim male. The truth is, it is simply a question of modesty and it applies equally to both sexes - BUT if a Muslim woman didn't want to shake hands with a man, would she be accused of sexism and demeaning behaviour towards men? I'm not sure that she would. More likely she would be accused of an inferiority complex (by non-Muslims I mean).
In Islam, the reasons for not touching, or shaking hands, with the opposite sex are the same for both men and women. It is to avoid any action which may lead to that spark of attraction between two people. If a Muslim man doesn't shake hands with women, it is not because he thinks she is dirty or contaminated, it is actually the complete opposite - he loves women and thinks they are beautiful, they make his heart skip a beat and touching (yes even a handshake) might cause a yearning that he does not want to fulfill, as he wants to obey God and avoid a feeling of attraction to a woman he is not married to. And before you ask, since we can't only refuse to shake hands with people who attract us, it is better to make it a general rule and stick to it for everyone, even those we might find mightily unattractive.
Is there anyone who disputes that men and women have a powerful attraction for each other? Is it admirable or contemptible for a person, man or woman, to want to avoid that feeling of attraction because they prefer to be as 'chaste' as they possibly can? A Muslim should direct all their sexuality towards their spouse - admiring looks, longing gazes, flirtatious words, affectionate squeezes - none of these should go outside the marital relationship. How do 'crushes' develop? From a look, a touch, a joke shared.....married people are not immune, being in love with someone else doesn't always make one immune either. I don't want to leave myself open to that kind of possibility, and many other people feel the same, men and women, Muslim or not. Is that unacceptable in this society? Are we not welcome because we don't want to join in the fun?
Saturday, May 24, 2008
More About Zudie - Preschool and Speech Therapy
It's a lovely evening, warm and quite windy so that the trees outside are rustling very relaxingly. The kids are asleep and Abuzein just went to work the night shift. I should go to bed really as I am pretty knackered but I don't feel sleepy.
Zudie is improving a lot these days, in his speech and language as well as general behaviour. Speech therapy has really helped a lot I think. We've been to 5 sessions already and he has started to interact a bit with the therapist and give her a bit of eye contact as well as taking part a little bit in the 'turn-taking' games although not really the 'saying hello to the toys' game at the beginning. The advice she gives for activities to do with him at home are really useful and we've been putting in some intensive work with Zudie which is really showing benefits, alhamdulillah. His speech is a lot clearer and his use of language is more correct and in context now, although still not like that of other 4-5 year olds. He knows most of the colours now although still confuses them sometimes. He will sometimes use pronouns correctly now, and quite often says "I" instead of "he". I think he mostly says "I don't want it" instead of "he doesn't want it" which he used to say when referring to himself, for example. He will also sometimes say "you" appropriately. There's still a way to go though.
I've been trying to write down examples of his language use, because my mind usually goes blank whenever I'm asked about it at our appointments with the professionals. As I am still trying to teach him the colours (we've been working on it for at least 2 years), he can now answer my question "what colour is this?" or "what colour is Thomas?". Whether he gets the answer right is immaterial to me, just understanding the question and saying the name of a colour is progress, as he would often reply just "colour". Now he is trying to copy me by asking the question "what colour is......?(this, or Mr Happy, or whatever). But what he actually says is "what's this is green?". Some variations are: "whose James is red?" "where's Herbies is orange?" - and today, "whose green is yellow?" So his problem with processing language is fairly obvious.
One of the 'speech and language' experts came to the preschool to observe him. She had a few tries at talking to him but he either ignored her or turned away saying "no, no". But she did discreetly observe me talking to him and him answering so she was able to write something in her notes. She also saw how he freaked out a bit when a spot of paint got on his hand. When I spoke to her later it emerged that she thought he was three, so I had to tell her that actually he is nearly five. That was a bit depressing. I also got totally peed off talking to one of the preschool assistants later who made it clear that she didn't think he had a problem at all, except for being the son of a neurotic mother. I suppose they are a bit surprised that I haven't left Zudie (or Boudie, who attends as well) at the preschool except for 15 minutes at a time lurking in the hall listening out for him, in case he has a meltdown cos he can't see me. They haven't seen him in screaming meltdown mode and if I'm really careful about making sure he's settled before I leave him for a full session, they never will insha'Allah - even though that will make them think I've got munchausen-by-proxy or something. The assistant also expressed the view that Zudie has improved so much since starting at the preschool 6 weeks ago, implying that it is all because of finally getting away from (S)mother even if only for 15 minutes. I started to try and set her straight but gave up because what's the point? She's obviously too dim to realise that he hasn't actually changed that much, he's just being more himself cos he's getting used to the preschool.
Anyway the SALT person said she really wasn't sure whether he is on the autistic spectrum or just has a severe language delay. I can't help feeling the tiniest bit frustrated that my son, who is read to and spoken to far more than any other kids I know, should have this particular problem which is so often seen as a result of parental neglect. I know so many parents who barely speak to their sprogs except to say "get up" "shut up" "eat it" "go to bed" - and their kids are still as chatty and outgoing as you could want. Well alhamdulillah for everything, his problems are miniscule compared with some kids I have seen, and I have to lift myself up a bit by thinking that without the attention we try to give him he might be worse.
I would be glad to know for sure that he doesn't have ASD, but I wonder about the little obsessions he has and the habit he has of holding objects at funny angles and staring at them, holding his cars or trains or whatever right up to the corner of his eyes and looking at them; and the way he gets so absorbed with lining up his toys and having a screaming fit if the line is broken by anyone. Not to mention the fact that it is impossible to get him to wear anything other than 2 particular pairs of trousers and one smelly pair of trainers without socks (I know some people think I should just MAKE him but believe me I have tried and it's not worth it). He has got less fussy about t-shirts now and will mostly wear any short-sleeved t-shirt (definitely no long sleeves unless they're pyjamas and it's bedtime). It's possible that he just has a few of these autistic characteristics without actually having Autistic Spectrum Disorder. Only time will tell. I can definitely say that after a peak when he was about 3-4, his autistic-type behaviours seem to be lessening. I hope it continues like this, insha'Allah. I am thinking that it might be because his confidence has increased as his language skills have improved.
I have to confess that we had some really bad wobbles over the past year. I know it is not really pc to use the word 'handicapped' now, but I'm going to say it anyway - a few times over the past year I looked at him and thought, oh my God he's a handicapped child, he's never going to be normal. The worst times were when trying to explain something to him and he would just refuse to look at me and open his mouth and scream. It was quite scary knowing that I just could not get through to him, that nothing I was saying was getting through to him, he wasn't understanding a word. Up until then, until he reached the age of four, I could regard him as still a 'toddler' that you couldn't expect to reason with or make understand why he couldn't have something or go somewhere that he particularly wanted. When Zudie reached his fourth birthday his younger brother was 2 and a half and starting to be very communicative and cooperative, so the difference was really apparent. Thank God, thank God, it seems that it was just a stage Zudie was going through and he is much better now. He will often accept it now when I tell him he can't have something immediately, but he can have it later. I think that at the age of 4 he was really more like an 18 month old in his understanding, but now, nearly a year later, he's more like a 3 year old.
What a long post! At last that sleepy feeling is creeping over me, and I must go to bed.
Zudie is improving a lot these days, in his speech and language as well as general behaviour. Speech therapy has really helped a lot I think. We've been to 5 sessions already and he has started to interact a bit with the therapist and give her a bit of eye contact as well as taking part a little bit in the 'turn-taking' games although not really the 'saying hello to the toys' game at the beginning. The advice she gives for activities to do with him at home are really useful and we've been putting in some intensive work with Zudie which is really showing benefits, alhamdulillah. His speech is a lot clearer and his use of language is more correct and in context now, although still not like that of other 4-5 year olds. He knows most of the colours now although still confuses them sometimes. He will sometimes use pronouns correctly now, and quite often says "I" instead of "he". I think he mostly says "I don't want it" instead of "he doesn't want it" which he used to say when referring to himself, for example. He will also sometimes say "you" appropriately. There's still a way to go though.
I've been trying to write down examples of his language use, because my mind usually goes blank whenever I'm asked about it at our appointments with the professionals. As I am still trying to teach him the colours (we've been working on it for at least 2 years), he can now answer my question "what colour is this?" or "what colour is Thomas?". Whether he gets the answer right is immaterial to me, just understanding the question and saying the name of a colour is progress, as he would often reply just "colour". Now he is trying to copy me by asking the question "what colour is......?(this, or Mr Happy, or whatever). But what he actually says is "what's this is green?". Some variations are: "whose James is red?" "where's Herbies is orange?" - and today, "whose green is yellow?" So his problem with processing language is fairly obvious.
One of the 'speech and language' experts came to the preschool to observe him. She had a few tries at talking to him but he either ignored her or turned away saying "no, no". But she did discreetly observe me talking to him and him answering so she was able to write something in her notes. She also saw how he freaked out a bit when a spot of paint got on his hand. When I spoke to her later it emerged that she thought he was three, so I had to tell her that actually he is nearly five. That was a bit depressing. I also got totally peed off talking to one of the preschool assistants later who made it clear that she didn't think he had a problem at all, except for being the son of a neurotic mother. I suppose they are a bit surprised that I haven't left Zudie (or Boudie, who attends as well) at the preschool except for 15 minutes at a time lurking in the hall listening out for him, in case he has a meltdown cos he can't see me. They haven't seen him in screaming meltdown mode and if I'm really careful about making sure he's settled before I leave him for a full session, they never will insha'Allah - even though that will make them think I've got munchausen-by-proxy or something. The assistant also expressed the view that Zudie has improved so much since starting at the preschool 6 weeks ago, implying that it is all because of finally getting away from (S)mother even if only for 15 minutes. I started to try and set her straight but gave up because what's the point? She's obviously too dim to realise that he hasn't actually changed that much, he's just being more himself cos he's getting used to the preschool.
Anyway the SALT person said she really wasn't sure whether he is on the autistic spectrum or just has a severe language delay. I can't help feeling the tiniest bit frustrated that my son, who is read to and spoken to far more than any other kids I know, should have this particular problem which is so often seen as a result of parental neglect. I know so many parents who barely speak to their sprogs except to say "get up" "shut up" "eat it" "go to bed" - and their kids are still as chatty and outgoing as you could want. Well alhamdulillah for everything, his problems are miniscule compared with some kids I have seen, and I have to lift myself up a bit by thinking that without the attention we try to give him he might be worse.
I would be glad to know for sure that he doesn't have ASD, but I wonder about the little obsessions he has and the habit he has of holding objects at funny angles and staring at them, holding his cars or trains or whatever right up to the corner of his eyes and looking at them; and the way he gets so absorbed with lining up his toys and having a screaming fit if the line is broken by anyone. Not to mention the fact that it is impossible to get him to wear anything other than 2 particular pairs of trousers and one smelly pair of trainers without socks (I know some people think I should just MAKE him but believe me I have tried and it's not worth it). He has got less fussy about t-shirts now and will mostly wear any short-sleeved t-shirt (definitely no long sleeves unless they're pyjamas and it's bedtime). It's possible that he just has a few of these autistic characteristics without actually having Autistic Spectrum Disorder. Only time will tell. I can definitely say that after a peak when he was about 3-4, his autistic-type behaviours seem to be lessening. I hope it continues like this, insha'Allah. I am thinking that it might be because his confidence has increased as his language skills have improved.
I have to confess that we had some really bad wobbles over the past year. I know it is not really pc to use the word 'handicapped' now, but I'm going to say it anyway - a few times over the past year I looked at him and thought, oh my God he's a handicapped child, he's never going to be normal. The worst times were when trying to explain something to him and he would just refuse to look at me and open his mouth and scream. It was quite scary knowing that I just could not get through to him, that nothing I was saying was getting through to him, he wasn't understanding a word. Up until then, until he reached the age of four, I could regard him as still a 'toddler' that you couldn't expect to reason with or make understand why he couldn't have something or go somewhere that he particularly wanted. When Zudie reached his fourth birthday his younger brother was 2 and a half and starting to be very communicative and cooperative, so the difference was really apparent. Thank God, thank God, it seems that it was just a stage Zudie was going through and he is much better now. He will often accept it now when I tell him he can't have something immediately, but he can have it later. I think that at the age of 4 he was really more like an 18 month old in his understanding, but now, nearly a year later, he's more like a 3 year old.
What a long post! At last that sleepy feeling is creeping over me, and I must go to bed.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Common Errors in English Usage
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Here is a website to gladden the hearts of everyone who, like me, gets distressed when they see the english language being mangled and abused - and yet who, like me, suspect that their own usage of the language isn't by any means perfect.
http://www.wsu.edu:8080/%7Ebrians/errors/errors.html
Scroll down for an alphabetical list of the most common errors people make.
Here is a website to gladden the hearts of everyone who, like me, gets distressed when they see the english language being mangled and abused - and yet who, like me, suspect that their own usage of the language isn't by any means perfect.
http://www.wsu.edu:8080/%7Ebrians/errors/errors.html
Scroll down for an alphabetical list of the most common errors people make.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Mayor Boris
We are all a bit gloomy here about the new Mayor. Just yesterday going home on the tube I was remembering how I had to pay a child fare for Zeno when he was 5, and now I don't pay even though he's 9, thanks to Uncle Ken's policy of free tube and bus travel for under 11s. The way Boris has been bleating on about how he will certainly keep the 'Freedom Pass' for OAPs makes me suspect that he's got his eye on making the kiddies pay. The man is already an MP, how is it possible for him to be allowed to stand for Mayor, as if both of these roles were only part-time? Ken Livingstone wasn't perfect, far from it, but he is a bone fide Londoner and passionate about this city being the capital of the world, and at least a little bit tolerant. Anway, Zoe Williams in the Guardain sums up my feelings on the matter and exposes Boris for the racist snob he is.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/may/01/boris.livingstone
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/may/01/boris.livingstone
Zudie Update May 2008
The good news is we finally got some speech therapy for Zudie, a block of 6 sessions. Boudie comes along too, as the therapist says he is a good 'model' for what she wants Zudie to say and do. We've had 2 sessions so far, and I have to carry out her suggestions throughout the week. So far we've worked on taking turns (a major problem for Zudie), and greetings, which he is totally opposed to on principle, although he is happy enough to say 'goodbye' to everyone. He spends a lot of time under the chair at the speech therapists office, and shouting 'No!' if Mum starts singing (little salafi lol). He hasn't joined in much so far but at least I am picking up lots of useful advice and insights - it was Meredith who recommended the book More Than Words and who photocopied a lot of it for me. I do find it a bit bizarre the way she speaks in a high-pitched, sing-song voice but I suppose she knows her business. If I attempted that Zudie would pinch me and dig his nails in till I bled, he hates me to change the tone of my voice or raise it or sound too happy or excited about anything.
One of the other professionals we saw sent me a huge book of Social Stories (photocopied which must have taken ages, God bless her). Actually I find the 'early readers' (Oxford Reading Tree eg) also very useful for Zudie, very simple and direct sentances that seem to help him learn how to use verbs and pronouns. He loves them and repeats after me. He seems to need to hear things about a million times before he can relate them to other situations; although he says things or repeats things sometimes I don't think he really knows what he's saying half the time.
Both Zudie and Boudie went along to preschool for a couple of afternoons, and Boudie seemed to love it. Zudie stuck close to me the whole time of course and didn't interact with the other children at all although he joined Boudie in playing with some trains and track for a while. at 2pm the teacher makes all the children sit down at tables and then one of the children doles out juice and a biscuit - she got Boudie to do it on the 2nd day and he loved it. However after juice they have to stay in their chairs for ages (nearly half an hour) while she holds up pictures and cards and asks them questions, which I thought was a bit too long for that age group (most of them are 3). Boudie was bored of course and Zudie was fit to be tied so I had to leave. I will carry on for a few weeks, I doubt if I will be able to leave them there, or not Zudie anyway. They are all nice ladies at the preschool but after all these years home-educating my mindset has totally changed and I found it a bit disturbing that all these 3 year olds were taken from hearth and home and left there to begin the process of institutionalisation which will continue through primary school and secondary until they either go to uni or join the world of work. Couldn't they just have a few more years of carefree play? It's much more sensible to stay at home till at least 7, which is what the Europeans do (or so I am always told).
Got a phone call yesterday from a Clinical Psychologist who said Zudie had been referred to them by the Paediatrician. There still is no decision about whether to diagnose Zudie as ASD or not, they offered us an appointment in about 4 weeks and said they also wanted to observe him in preschool 'when he has settled in' which privately I don't think he ever will but as ever I am willing to be proved wrong.
One of the other professionals we saw sent me a huge book of Social Stories (photocopied which must have taken ages, God bless her). Actually I find the 'early readers' (Oxford Reading Tree eg) also very useful for Zudie, very simple and direct sentances that seem to help him learn how to use verbs and pronouns. He loves them and repeats after me. He seems to need to hear things about a million times before he can relate them to other situations; although he says things or repeats things sometimes I don't think he really knows what he's saying half the time.
Both Zudie and Boudie went along to preschool for a couple of afternoons, and Boudie seemed to love it. Zudie stuck close to me the whole time of course and didn't interact with the other children at all although he joined Boudie in playing with some trains and track for a while. at 2pm the teacher makes all the children sit down at tables and then one of the children doles out juice and a biscuit - she got Boudie to do it on the 2nd day and he loved it. However after juice they have to stay in their chairs for ages (nearly half an hour) while she holds up pictures and cards and asks them questions, which I thought was a bit too long for that age group (most of them are 3). Boudie was bored of course and Zudie was fit to be tied so I had to leave. I will carry on for a few weeks, I doubt if I will be able to leave them there, or not Zudie anyway. They are all nice ladies at the preschool but after all these years home-educating my mindset has totally changed and I found it a bit disturbing that all these 3 year olds were taken from hearth and home and left there to begin the process of institutionalisation which will continue through primary school and secondary until they either go to uni or join the world of work. Couldn't they just have a few more years of carefree play? It's much more sensible to stay at home till at least 7, which is what the Europeans do (or so I am always told).
Got a phone call yesterday from a Clinical Psychologist who said Zudie had been referred to them by the Paediatrician. There still is no decision about whether to diagnose Zudie as ASD or not, they offered us an appointment in about 4 weeks and said they also wanted to observe him in preschool 'when he has settled in' which privately I don't think he ever will but as ever I am willing to be proved wrong.
Zeno Update May 2008
We just had a home visit from the Educational Psychologist, who chatted with us for a while then got Zeno to do a couple of verbal and non-verbal tests. She said she will write a report and send us a copy. She does a lot of work in Hallfield School and seemed to think they would be amenable to having Zeno as a pupil for a few hours a week, and also that they would meet his needs for constant movement, talking non-stop, and also respect his writing phobia and not make him write if he didn't want to (she mentioned teaching him to touch type which I have been planning to do for a while and giving him a laptop in the classroom).
Part-time school (it's usually called flexi-schooling) is something me and Zeno have discussed often. The only worry I have would be if our home-education would have to be more structured and results-based if the school is involved, rather than fairly autonomous which is the way we have been going. I definitely won't have him taking part in any SATs rubbish. If I'm honest I only see school as an opportunity for someone else to give me a hand with teaching Zeno to be a social being; how to make friends and how to talk to people his own age without immediately turning them off him, which I haven't been able to do so far. I get a bit frustrated because I see his speech pattern as a major factor in this, not just his conversation which is how the professionals have assessed the problem. I would like him to have some kind of therapy for his stammer and help in speaking more directly and in simpler sentances. He is totally incapable of giving a simple answer to a simple question, in fact when you ask a simple question you get a verbal essay back on the subject, its background, main points and final summing-up. Anyone would find that a turn-off, let alone your average 8-10 yr old who has wandered off long before Zeno has even warmed up to his subject. I wish I knew how to help him but even if I did would I have the time? Zudie needs really intensive help at the moment as well, and he is still at that crucial stage of just beginning to process language, he is way behind even his younger brother but alhamdulillah he is improving, although painfully slowly.
Zeno went to the zoo with the scouts last Sunday, he seemed to enjoy it especially since they saw some meerkats (one of his present obsessions). Unfortunately he left his jacket behind, as I pointed out when I picked him up from Regents Park Masjid. He immediately burst into load sobs which made the other children stare a bit. He hates to lose anything. We trudged back around to the zoo, which was not as close as I thought and took ages and his jacket hadn't been handed in anyway - cue more theatrical crying (although he was genuinely upset but Zeno lives his life as if he's on stage and wants to make sure he is being heard in the stalls).
Anyway the good thing was I decided to walk back by way of the canal, and it was a lovely walk on the towpath nearly all the way home, the peace only disturbed by the constant wailing of Zeno for his lost jacket, his remonstrations with me for making him take it and for the villains who took it and didn't hand it in. All the way home lol.
Part-time school (it's usually called flexi-schooling) is something me and Zeno have discussed often. The only worry I have would be if our home-education would have to be more structured and results-based if the school is involved, rather than fairly autonomous which is the way we have been going. I definitely won't have him taking part in any SATs rubbish. If I'm honest I only see school as an opportunity for someone else to give me a hand with teaching Zeno to be a social being; how to make friends and how to talk to people his own age without immediately turning them off him, which I haven't been able to do so far. I get a bit frustrated because I see his speech pattern as a major factor in this, not just his conversation which is how the professionals have assessed the problem. I would like him to have some kind of therapy for his stammer and help in speaking more directly and in simpler sentances. He is totally incapable of giving a simple answer to a simple question, in fact when you ask a simple question you get a verbal essay back on the subject, its background, main points and final summing-up. Anyone would find that a turn-off, let alone your average 8-10 yr old who has wandered off long before Zeno has even warmed up to his subject. I wish I knew how to help him but even if I did would I have the time? Zudie needs really intensive help at the moment as well, and he is still at that crucial stage of just beginning to process language, he is way behind even his younger brother but alhamdulillah he is improving, although painfully slowly.
Zeno went to the zoo with the scouts last Sunday, he seemed to enjoy it especially since they saw some meerkats (one of his present obsessions). Unfortunately he left his jacket behind, as I pointed out when I picked him up from Regents Park Masjid. He immediately burst into load sobs which made the other children stare a bit. He hates to lose anything. We trudged back around to the zoo, which was not as close as I thought and took ages and his jacket hadn't been handed in anyway - cue more theatrical crying (although he was genuinely upset but Zeno lives his life as if he's on stage and wants to make sure he is being heard in the stalls).
Anyway the good thing was I decided to walk back by way of the canal, and it was a lovely walk on the towpath nearly all the way home, the peace only disturbed by the constant wailing of Zeno for his lost jacket, his remonstrations with me for making him take it and for the villains who took it and didn't hand it in. All the way home lol.
Kildare/Dublin Visit
It's been really busy here alhamdulillah. Went to Ireland end of March for the first time in 10 years. It was really strange to be back and seeing all the familiar places that I had completely forgotten about. I'm such a Londoner these days that I forgot I am also a Dubliner (Northside!) and it felt good to be back. It was only a flying visit so there wasn't much time for wandering around old haunts but some day insha'Allah I plan to go back and do that very thing. Cabra looked just the same, we drove past the old house and my brother asked if we would go in but I couldn't face it, too many memories of Ma and Granny hanging round the place. Over Broombridge and into Finglas was where I noticed most of the changes, it's now very built up where there used to be just quiet back roads and fields.
I didn't see much of town, just that some idiotic millenium monument has been erected (the mot juste believe me) in the middle of O'Connell Street, a meaningless towering needle that filled me with rage. Easons was a bit of a disappointment as it used to be such a magical place for me, I would spend hours browsing the departments (religion/spirituality was always a favourite, and the art department). It was all changed of course but not for the better, no comfy chairs and coffee like Books Etc. A bit boring and uninviting. Also I noticed most of their books about Islam were written by non-Muslims which was annoying. They did have one by Tariq Ramadan though which I picked up together with a Horrible History of Dublin for Zeno which I hadn't seen here. However I don't want to do it an injustice, it might still be the best bookshop in Dublin.
Visited Kildare for the first time, where my sister and most of her grown-up children live. Two of them have their own families now and it was lovely to see them all, and as I didn't have my own kids with me I could just concentrate on being an aunt (and great-aunt) for a change. Kildare reminded me a little bit of Dorset although flatter (surprisingly flat altogether actually but very green). Athy seems like a nice little town and a good place to live for someone who likes the quiet life. Niece #1l recently got back from an extended stay in South Africa so it was interesting to hear her impressions of the place and the people. Niece 2 was a star and drove us everywhere even though she was tired out from a visit to the UK (we flew to Dublin together). I visited Niece 3 in the middle of the country where they have over an acre and are full of exciting plans to build a house on their land. She has a daughter and a son and one on the way insha'Allah; the boy is a toddler and plump and gorgeous and the girl is a little bit older and so beautiful and clever masha'Allah. Niece 4 lives in London at the moment lol so didn't see her. Also visited Niece 5 at her beautiful house and got to see her 3 kids who are so lively and chatty and beautiful (I know I sound like a biased auntie but they really are exceptionally good-looking kids masha'Allah). I also got to see nieces 6 and 7 (#7 is the daughter of another sister, the one in Dorset), they are still living in Dublin and busy with their jobs and their hectic social lives....turning heads and breaking a few hearts no doubt, the tall brunette and the petite blonde.
Also managed to spend a day and a half with brother #2 and his wife in Mulhuddart, which has definitely changed beyond recognition. I quite enjoyed taking a walk around the place with Jane (sister #6). Their eldest girl has moved out now, but they still have 3 kids living at home (youngest is nearly 14 I think). They are really lovely kids and very brainy all of them masha'Allah. Went for a drive in the mountains and saw some amazing scenery. Wicklow is really beautiful and you could almost survive on the fresh air alone. Went to Glencrea and saw the detention centre where Grandad was incarcerated as a boy (for loitering, which is outrageous when you think that he was just a penniless orphan with nothing to do and nowhere to go anyway). I don't know how grim his life there was, he spent a few years there anyway before he left and went to fight in the first world war. It is now a centre for reconciliation - not for the poor boys who were locked up there for no other crime than existing, and being poor and powerless, but for those affected by the 'troubles' in Northern Ireland.
I loved the mountains, the desolate scenery and the nourishing air, the colours (purple, grey-blue, brown and green-black). I felt like I could live there and be a wild woman of the mountains, washing in the streams and shaking my fist and muttering at the passing tourists (pretty much what the present inhabitants of Wicklow do hehe). It has the same attraction for me as the desert, although you might not see the similarities at first. Something to do with the huge sky, the emptiness of the landscape which is so soothing and which lets you connect with something deep inside rather than having to engage with externals. No details or bright colours to tire the eyes only huge skies and mountain ranges, silence except for the wind (not even a bird singing)....no smells, only pure mountain air. Bliss.
I didn't see much of town, just that some idiotic millenium monument has been erected (the mot juste believe me) in the middle of O'Connell Street, a meaningless towering needle that filled me with rage. Easons was a bit of a disappointment as it used to be such a magical place for me, I would spend hours browsing the departments (religion/spirituality was always a favourite, and the art department). It was all changed of course but not for the better, no comfy chairs and coffee like Books Etc. A bit boring and uninviting. Also I noticed most of their books about Islam were written by non-Muslims which was annoying. They did have one by Tariq Ramadan though which I picked up together with a Horrible History of Dublin for Zeno which I hadn't seen here. However I don't want to do it an injustice, it might still be the best bookshop in Dublin.
Visited Kildare for the first time, where my sister and most of her grown-up children live. Two of them have their own families now and it was lovely to see them all, and as I didn't have my own kids with me I could just concentrate on being an aunt (and great-aunt) for a change. Kildare reminded me a little bit of Dorset although flatter (surprisingly flat altogether actually but very green). Athy seems like a nice little town and a good place to live for someone who likes the quiet life. Niece #1l recently got back from an extended stay in South Africa so it was interesting to hear her impressions of the place and the people. Niece 2 was a star and drove us everywhere even though she was tired out from a visit to the UK (we flew to Dublin together). I visited Niece 3 in the middle of the country where they have over an acre and are full of exciting plans to build a house on their land. She has a daughter and a son and one on the way insha'Allah; the boy is a toddler and plump and gorgeous and the girl is a little bit older and so beautiful and clever masha'Allah. Niece 4 lives in London at the moment lol so didn't see her. Also visited Niece 5 at her beautiful house and got to see her 3 kids who are so lively and chatty and beautiful (I know I sound like a biased auntie but they really are exceptionally good-looking kids masha'Allah). I also got to see nieces 6 and 7 (#7 is the daughter of another sister, the one in Dorset), they are still living in Dublin and busy with their jobs and their hectic social lives....turning heads and breaking a few hearts no doubt, the tall brunette and the petite blonde.
Also managed to spend a day and a half with brother #2 and his wife in Mulhuddart, which has definitely changed beyond recognition. I quite enjoyed taking a walk around the place with Jane (sister #6). Their eldest girl has moved out now, but they still have 3 kids living at home (youngest is nearly 14 I think). They are really lovely kids and very brainy all of them masha'Allah. Went for a drive in the mountains and saw some amazing scenery. Wicklow is really beautiful and you could almost survive on the fresh air alone. Went to Glencrea and saw the detention centre where Grandad was incarcerated as a boy (for loitering, which is outrageous when you think that he was just a penniless orphan with nothing to do and nowhere to go anyway). I don't know how grim his life there was, he spent a few years there anyway before he left and went to fight in the first world war. It is now a centre for reconciliation - not for the poor boys who were locked up there for no other crime than existing, and being poor and powerless, but for those affected by the 'troubles' in Northern Ireland.
I loved the mountains, the desolate scenery and the nourishing air, the colours (purple, grey-blue, brown and green-black). I felt like I could live there and be a wild woman of the mountains, washing in the streams and shaking my fist and muttering at the passing tourists (pretty much what the present inhabitants of Wicklow do hehe). It has the same attraction for me as the desert, although you might not see the similarities at first. Something to do with the huge sky, the emptiness of the landscape which is so soothing and which lets you connect with something deep inside rather than having to engage with externals. No details or bright colours to tire the eyes only huge skies and mountain ranges, silence except for the wind (not even a bird singing)....no smells, only pure mountain air. Bliss.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Jerusalem Killings
When an event like the shooting in Jerusalem happens, Muslims are always being asked to show that they, too are horrified and disgusted and saddened by the killings. I find it very difficult to do so. Islam teaches that the killing of innocents is a heinous crime, and there will be no refuge for the murderer on the day of judgement. Self defence is allowed, as long as the attacker is attacking you, but as soon as they stop then your defensive fighting has to stop too.
So why do I find it difficult to condemn at attack on 'students at a Seminary'?. The first reason is that the last few weeks (just the last few weeks, don't even ask about the last 60 years) have seen many innocent Palestinians killed, including babies, including children shot by Israeli snipers while in their own homes. And no-one said anything. Not a word. Now that 8 Israelis have been killed by a Palestinian gunman however, the whole world is screaminig from the rooftops about it, the American President and the British Prime Minister have issued statements
along with other world leaders.
News footage of Palestinians in refuge camps 'celebrating' the killings has been shown (sometimes several times in the same news bulletin). Meanwhile, there was absolutely ZERO coverage of the Israeli mob that gathered to chant 'Death to Arabs', as was reliably reported by other news outlets. Instead we were told by our 'esteemed' TV news bulletins that an Israeli rabbi called for no revenge attacks. In the sure and certain hope, I believe, that for every one of the 8 Israelis killed, at least 50 Palestinians will be slaughtered.
Also, surprisingly, the Daily Mail gave a very good account of itself in reporting the incident, and actually mentioned that far from being a stronghold of peaceful scholarly pursuits, the seminary where the students were killed is actually at the heart of the violent, vicious and racist 'settler movement' in Israel.
So why do I find it difficult to condemn at attack on 'students at a Seminary'?. The first reason is that the last few weeks (just the last few weeks, don't even ask about the last 60 years) have seen many innocent Palestinians killed, including babies, including children shot by Israeli snipers while in their own homes. And no-one said anything. Not a word. Now that 8 Israelis have been killed by a Palestinian gunman however, the whole world is screaminig from the rooftops about it, the American President and the British Prime Minister have issued statements
along with other world leaders.
News footage of Palestinians in refuge camps 'celebrating' the killings has been shown (sometimes several times in the same news bulletin). Meanwhile, there was absolutely ZERO coverage of the Israeli mob that gathered to chant 'Death to Arabs', as was reliably reported by other news outlets. Instead we were told by our 'esteemed' TV news bulletins that an Israeli rabbi called for no revenge attacks. In the sure and certain hope, I believe, that for every one of the 8 Israelis killed, at least 50 Palestinians will be slaughtered.
Also, surprisingly, the Daily Mail gave a very good account of itself in reporting the incident, and actually mentioned that far from being a stronghold of peaceful scholarly pursuits, the seminary where the students were killed is actually at the heart of the violent, vicious and racist 'settler movement' in Israel.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
The Myth of the Self-Hating Jew
This book looks like a gripping read insha'Allah, excerpt in the Grauniad today:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/mar/04/israelandthepalestinians.bookextracts
While it's true that any criticism of Israeli atrocities brings a deluge of hate-mail to anyone brave enough to swim against the tide of pro-Israeli world media, the most bitter response is reserved for the so-called 'self-hating jew'.
If anyone wonders why should Israel be criticised (and unless they make an effort to look for unbiased media sources, they may not know why) read here:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/mar/03/israelandthepalestinians.usa1
I find myself unable to comment on recent Israeli atrocities, it just hurts too much. Suffice to say, that if Muslims were responsible for even a fraction of the kind of horror that is routinely inflicted upon Palestinians, the whole world would be screaming about it. Instead, there is a deafening silence from 99% of the world.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/mar/04/israelandthepalestinians.bookextracts
While it's true that any criticism of Israeli atrocities brings a deluge of hate-mail to anyone brave enough to swim against the tide of pro-Israeli world media, the most bitter response is reserved for the so-called 'self-hating jew'.
If anyone wonders why should Israel be criticised (and unless they make an effort to look for unbiased media sources, they may not know why) read here:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/mar/03/israelandthepalestinians.usa1
I find myself unable to comment on recent Israeli atrocities, it just hurts too much. Suffice to say, that if Muslims were responsible for even a fraction of the kind of horror that is routinely inflicted upon Palestinians, the whole world would be screaming about it. Instead, there is a deafening silence from 99% of the world.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Scouts
So here we are in London. It's a while since Zeno went to Scouts, so I took him yesterday . When we got there the leaders hadn't arrived to open the doors, so there were lots of boys standing around. Of course Zeno just dived in, waving 'hello' and launching into a high speed monologue which left the boys gaping. I really hate seeing them laughing and nudging each other, and asking each other 'what's he saying? can you understand what he's saying?' etc. etc. Thanks be to God Zeno is oblivious to most of it. I don't know whether his high self-esteem is a feature of his condition (sometimes I have to rein it in a bit, very gently) but thank God for it anyway, because you never want to see your child with hurt feelings or feeling rejected or humiliated.
The scout leaders arrived eventually (half an hour late which is kind of usual for them, must remember not to bother being on time in future) and straight away Zeno and the other boys (and some girls) were running round the hall like lunatics. The scout leaders are all really nice girls masha'Allah, very good with Zeno actually. There is another Muslim scout group in East London which one of the brothers from the revert group helps run - I am thinking of taking Zeno there as well as our one is only every 2 weeks. It's a long way but at least it's a straight run on the central line, and I could while away the time at the East London Islamic Centre. I know some people don't agree with having separate scout groups for Muslims, but the opportunity to get together with so many other Muslim children is really important for me. We live in a society which is not only non-Muslim but actually anti-Muslim, and I know Zeno is very aware of the underlying hostility (he's very into newspapers and news websites and we often have to discuss anti-Islamic articles or hostility to Muslims on tv - talkshows etc.). So being surrounded by like-minded Muslims can feel like - wow we can relax, no-one's giving us dirty looks or making assumptions about us cos we're Muslims.
Met up with one of the sisters from the home edders group, both her boys are ASD as well and Zeno gets on really well with them. I will have to make the effort to get to Scouts more often, cos Zeno really enjoyed it, alhamdulillah.
The scout leaders arrived eventually (half an hour late which is kind of usual for them, must remember not to bother being on time in future) and straight away Zeno and the other boys (and some girls) were running round the hall like lunatics. The scout leaders are all really nice girls masha'Allah, very good with Zeno actually. There is another Muslim scout group in East London which one of the brothers from the revert group helps run - I am thinking of taking Zeno there as well as our one is only every 2 weeks. It's a long way but at least it's a straight run on the central line, and I could while away the time at the East London Islamic Centre. I know some people don't agree with having separate scout groups for Muslims, but the opportunity to get together with so many other Muslim children is really important for me. We live in a society which is not only non-Muslim but actually anti-Muslim, and I know Zeno is very aware of the underlying hostility (he's very into newspapers and news websites and we often have to discuss anti-Islamic articles or hostility to Muslims on tv - talkshows etc.). So being surrounded by like-minded Muslims can feel like - wow we can relax, no-one's giving us dirty looks or making assumptions about us cos we're Muslims.
Met up with one of the sisters from the home edders group, both her boys are ASD as well and Zeno gets on really well with them. I will have to make the effort to get to Scouts more often, cos Zeno really enjoyed it, alhamdulillah.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Local Beauty Spots
I can't believe I have been visiting Bobbie for the last 15 years or so and never realised what a lovely part of Weymouth her house is in. For the past few months we have had the leisure to go for walks just in the local area and it is really amazing. Of course the sandy beach is where we always headed before, and still do very often. A few days ago we walked all along the Esplanade to the Sea Life Centre, past Greenhill Gardens which was looking lovely in the winter sunshine. We climbed the stairs to the roof of the 'beach hut building' (as I call it) and the view was amazing - I could have sat there all day looking at sea and listening to the waves.
There is a local beauty spot just around the corner from the house, with some lovely views of Weymouth. It's actually a short cut to Chesil Beach, as I was delighted to find out. Unfortunately the land has been sold to developers who are doing their utmost to reclassify it from its present 'common ground' definition.
Yesterday we tried a new route to Chesil Beach, turning left down Chickerell Road instead of right, then left again till we got to 'Lanehouse Rocks' - a dashing name for what is actually a dangerous road for pedestrians, especially little ones. It's a very steep road but the view at the top is worth the aching calves (well it's not that steep but I am out of condition). When you reach the summit and turn around you can see distant views of the coast on both sides - Weymouth Bay on your right and Chesil Beach on your left. We turned right at the end of Lanehouse Rocks, and took 'Camp Road', hoping to strike the coast after about 10-15 minutes, but our efforts were baffled at every turn. Towards the end of Camp Road the pavement ended and it was just too dangerous to carry on with the kids. There was a grassy bank on the other side of the road but it was kind of narrow and sloping and didn't look safe. On one side of the road (which was surprisingly busy) there was a fenced-off field which had 'army' signs all over it, and on the other was a caravan park, also completely fenced off, with a footpath running along the side (parallel to the coast). We tried walking along the army fence first, after a hundred yards or so I changed my mind after checking the map as it didn't look possible to reach the sea that way. We tried the path next to the caravan park next, always looking for a way through but it was barbed wire and thick (six foot thick in places) brambles all the way. We could see the sea by now, sparkling in the late afternoon sunshine. It was going to be a spectacular sunset, but I wanted to be home for maghrib prayer so when the footpath took a sharp turn left (away from the coast) I reluctantly decided to give up and head back home. We reached the end of the footpath 5 minutes later, and were back on a normal street with houses. I was surprised how often the pavement disappeared and left us walking on the road. Another 5 minutes saw us on the main 'Portland Road' and another glorious view down to Chesil Beach and the Isle of Portland straight ahead. We took the shortcut home from there, along a footpath running initially beside a cemetary, which after a couple of stiles opens out to the Common (Markham Common maybe?), from which Chickerell Road can be reached in about 10 minutes. It's good to know that both Weymouth Bay & Chesil are within walking distance, although the Chesil walk is much more scenic, subhan'Allah.
I am really pleased that the kids don't seem to mind walking at all, and Boudie only complained after a couple of hours brisk (for him) walking, which isn't bad for a 3 yr old alhamdulillah. As for Zeno, he recently REFUSED to get in a taxi in London and preferred to walk from Fulham Road to Queensway, masha'Allah. Of course the problem with him is getting him out of the house in the first place.
There is a local beauty spot just around the corner from the house, with some lovely views of Weymouth. It's actually a short cut to Chesil Beach, as I was delighted to find out. Unfortunately the land has been sold to developers who are doing their utmost to reclassify it from its present 'common ground' definition.
Yesterday we tried a new route to Chesil Beach, turning left down Chickerell Road instead of right, then left again till we got to 'Lanehouse Rocks' - a dashing name for what is actually a dangerous road for pedestrians, especially little ones. It's a very steep road but the view at the top is worth the aching calves (well it's not that steep but I am out of condition). When you reach the summit and turn around you can see distant views of the coast on both sides - Weymouth Bay on your right and Chesil Beach on your left. We turned right at the end of Lanehouse Rocks, and took 'Camp Road', hoping to strike the coast after about 10-15 minutes, but our efforts were baffled at every turn. Towards the end of Camp Road the pavement ended and it was just too dangerous to carry on with the kids. There was a grassy bank on the other side of the road but it was kind of narrow and sloping and didn't look safe. On one side of the road (which was surprisingly busy) there was a fenced-off field which had 'army' signs all over it, and on the other was a caravan park, also completely fenced off, with a footpath running along the side (parallel to the coast). We tried walking along the army fence first, after a hundred yards or so I changed my mind after checking the map as it didn't look possible to reach the sea that way. We tried the path next to the caravan park next, always looking for a way through but it was barbed wire and thick (six foot thick in places) brambles all the way. We could see the sea by now, sparkling in the late afternoon sunshine. It was going to be a spectacular sunset, but I wanted to be home for maghrib prayer so when the footpath took a sharp turn left (away from the coast) I reluctantly decided to give up and head back home. We reached the end of the footpath 5 minutes later, and were back on a normal street with houses. I was surprised how often the pavement disappeared and left us walking on the road. Another 5 minutes saw us on the main 'Portland Road' and another glorious view down to Chesil Beach and the Isle of Portland straight ahead. We took the shortcut home from there, along a footpath running initially beside a cemetary, which after a couple of stiles opens out to the Common (Markham Common maybe?), from which Chickerell Road can be reached in about 10 minutes. It's good to know that both Weymouth Bay & Chesil are within walking distance, although the Chesil walk is much more scenic, subhan'Allah.
I am really pleased that the kids don't seem to mind walking at all, and Boudie only complained after a couple of hours brisk (for him) walking, which isn't bad for a 3 yr old alhamdulillah. As for Zeno, he recently REFUSED to get in a taxi in London and preferred to walk from Fulham Road to Queensway, masha'Allah. Of course the problem with him is getting him out of the house in the first place.
Three Little Menaces
I am hating housework at the moment, astaghfirallah. It seems to take up all my time, and there are so many other things I would much rather be doing. The kids are terribly untidy and destructive, it's like they are on a mission to wreck the house. So far two banisters have been knocked out, the front door has had a piece removed from it, the curtains in the sitting room have been ripped, the fancy holders for holding the curtains back have been ripped out of the walls (altogether at least 6 of them), the sitting room door has somehow been pulled off its hinges, the immaculate walls have been drawn on with felt tip, pencil, and anything else they could get their hands on. I am almost tempted to give in to Abuzein's advice to remove all writing materials and all toys and puzzles from the house entirely. The toys are usually strewn around the house, but any attempt to surreptiously pick them up and put them away (I have long since abandoned the cheery cry of "tidy up time boys" as it is always met with howls of protest and derision) is found out and the boxes emptied again. The new yellow sofas have been drawn on with the 'dry wipe' markers which seem to contain an amazing amount of ink. The laptop I am writing on now has had more than half of its keys picked away so I am actually using a separate keyboard.
Is it just my kids? Everyone else's kids seem so well behaved, obedient and polite. Masha'Allah.
Is it just my kids? Everyone else's kids seem so well behaved, obedient and polite. Masha'Allah.
Friday, February 08, 2008
Birthdays
My second eldest sister is 52 today! It's a bit scary that time is flying by so fast, but also quite reassuring that being 50+ isn't as elderly as it used to be - Bobbie is embarking on a new business venture and has also just started a college course. I turned 40 myself on my last birthday, which was surprisingly untraumatic - maybe because of having 4 older sisters who are aging very well lol, masha'Allah. I don't really feel any worse than I did as a teenager or a twentysomething, in fact I feel lots better, alhamdulillah, much happier and more tranquil.
Of course being a Muslim is the main reason for that, although having kids also has contributed to my contentment. I suffered from depression a lot in my twenties, but never since becoming a Muslim have I had a bad depression. Alhamdulillah - all praise and thanks belongs to God.
Well it's good for me to reflect at the moment that being a mother has also been such a hugely positive thing in my life. Just at the moment the kids are being incredibly trying, especially Zudie. It seems impossible for him to understand that I cannot immediately bring him whatever he asks me for - so for example he wants his toy 'racing car', and he calls out "Mama, racing car". I don't know where his racing car is but I tell him to come with me and we'll look for it - which we do, unsuccessfully.
"I'm sorry Zudie I can't find it."
"Racing car."
"I don't know where your racing car is."
"Racing car."
"Sorry Zudie I can't find it."
"Racing car."
By now he is crying and shouting repeatedly "racing car." If I walk away he will continue to shout after me "Mama, mama, racing car." He can do this for an indefinite period. I mean literally hours. I will end up with palpitations and the shakes from the effort of remaining calm.
I can't possibly allow myself to become angry or shout at him because he does not understand at all and it is not his fault. Distraction would be a good idea, except to mention any other toy, or a DVD that he loves, or a storybook he usually enjoys, will make him hysterically angry and he will either hit me or throw something at me or across the room.
Neither does he understand the concept of waiting for anything. If he asks me for juice when I'm busy, telling him "Wait a minute" gets either monotonous repetition of his request until it's fulfilled or sometimes tears or hysteria if he's feeling particularly impatient.
On a positive note, lately he has been really enjoying drawing pictures and copying out letters and numbers. He amazed me one day by coming to sit beside me with his pencil and paper, and then writing his name almost perfectly! turned out his dad had just written it for him to copy, but he was able to turn the page and write it again. masha'Allah. That is completely different from his older brother, who even at 9 years old never writes anything voluntarily.
Of course being a Muslim is the main reason for that, although having kids also has contributed to my contentment. I suffered from depression a lot in my twenties, but never since becoming a Muslim have I had a bad depression. Alhamdulillah - all praise and thanks belongs to God.
Well it's good for me to reflect at the moment that being a mother has also been such a hugely positive thing in my life. Just at the moment the kids are being incredibly trying, especially Zudie. It seems impossible for him to understand that I cannot immediately bring him whatever he asks me for - so for example he wants his toy 'racing car', and he calls out "Mama, racing car". I don't know where his racing car is but I tell him to come with me and we'll look for it - which we do, unsuccessfully.
"I'm sorry Zudie I can't find it."
"Racing car."
"I don't know where your racing car is."
"Racing car."
"Sorry Zudie I can't find it."
"Racing car."
By now he is crying and shouting repeatedly "racing car." If I walk away he will continue to shout after me "Mama, mama, racing car." He can do this for an indefinite period. I mean literally hours. I will end up with palpitations and the shakes from the effort of remaining calm.
I can't possibly allow myself to become angry or shout at him because he does not understand at all and it is not his fault. Distraction would be a good idea, except to mention any other toy, or a DVD that he loves, or a storybook he usually enjoys, will make him hysterically angry and he will either hit me or throw something at me or across the room.
Neither does he understand the concept of waiting for anything. If he asks me for juice when I'm busy, telling him "Wait a minute" gets either monotonous repetition of his request until it's fulfilled or sometimes tears or hysteria if he's feeling particularly impatient.
On a positive note, lately he has been really enjoying drawing pictures and copying out letters and numbers. He amazed me one day by coming to sit beside me with his pencil and paper, and then writing his name almost perfectly! turned out his dad had just written it for him to copy, but he was able to turn the page and write it again. masha'Allah. That is completely different from his older brother, who even at 9 years old never writes anything voluntarily.
Another Broohaha
"SHARIA LAW IN UK INEVITABLE SAYS DR. WILLIAMS"
Thanks to the dear old Archbish of Canterbury, Islam and Muslims are once again on the front pages of most of the newspapers and the usual rabidly anti-Islam columnists are gleefully sharpening their knives. To be fair to the bearded one (the A of C that is), I doubt it was his intention to stir up trouble. He seems to realise that there is more to Shariah than the hudd penalties (capital punishment for murder and adultery, and hand-chopping for persistent theft which is not due to extreme need), and he would like us all to sit down and have a sensible discussion over a nice cup of tea.
Clearly Shariah law has an image problem in the west. It is assuredly not the way it is painted in the media here. As I Muslim I understand 'Shariah' to be - the guidelines given by God as to how He wants us to live our lives. It encompasses many things, for example worship, and how we conduct relationships with others. It literally means 'the Road' or 'the Way'.
Non-Muslims in the west immediately think of 'stoning women' or 'chopping hands' when the hear the words 'shariah law'. They also think of countries like Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iran and believe that these countries follow Islamic Law. This is very far from the truth. There is no country in the world in which Islamic Law/Shariah is implemented. If it was, believe me I for one would be the first one to hop on a plane and emigrate there.
Regarding adultery, firstly let me say that men and women are equally guilty before God and the punishment applies to both of them. If you look at the record of countries like Iran you will find that both men and women are executed for adultery in roughly the same numbers (and men are executed for rape) however in the western press you will only find reports of cases of executed women.
If Islamic Law were truly implemented, adultery would be next to impossible to prove. It requires the testimony of four witnesses of good character, and they have to be able to swear that they saw penetration take place. Not that they saw two naked people rolling around on top of each other, but that they actually witnessed the male member penetrate the female genitals. (pardon my explicitness but that is the law, and Islamically speaking there should not be any squeamishness when it comes to such a serious issue).
Two other issues should make it even harder to bring forth an accusation of adultery against anyone:
1. in Islam it is absolutely forbidden to voice an unconfirmed suspicion of adultery or other immoral behaviour without definite proof. If anyone accuses someone of adultery without bringing forth the required witnesses, they are to be flogged and their witness is for ever after disregarded, a source of great shame for them.
2. as Muslims we are absolutely forbidden to spy or pry into other people's private rooms or dwellings. If there is a knock on my door and I don't see anyone there when I look through the spyhole, I usually guess it is a Muslim caller who has stood to one side after knocking so that they don't inadvertantly see into my home without being invited by myself. That is the custom and to do otherwise is seen as terribly rude.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) never pursued cases of adultery against anyone. In the rare cases where the punishment of death was applied, it was always people coming to him and confessing their sin and demanding punishment. Once, a man confessed to committing adultery and asked for the punishment, which the Prophet pbuh ordered to be carried out. Later on, those who carried out the punishment reported that the man had run away but they chased him and brought him back and killed him - the Prophet pbuh told them "You should have let him go". From this it seems very clear that only those who ask for the punishment should have it carried out on them.
Given all of the above, it is amazing that anyone should ever be convicted of adultery. That, I am sure, is exactly how it should be, not the awful cases that are reported sometimes about rape victims being flogged in Pakistan or women being sentenced to death after retracting their confession (in the case I remember the Sudanese woman was in any case divorced, so even if she had illegal sexual intercourse it was fornication rather than adultery - and the punishment for fornication in Islam is 100 lashes).
There is one more thing to say about adultery - those who believe in the Old Testament (ie Jews and Christians) have no basis for calling the death penalty for adultery barbaric as it clearly commanded by God there. Even if they believe that law is now abrogated, there is no doubt that it was once a command of God that the adulterer receive the death penalty, and for a certainty many people in old testament times were stoned to death for this (as well as other things - see the OT for a full list).
As for public flogging as a punishment for other, minor, offences - in many cases it could be better than a prison sentence, more effective as a deterrant and also more humane than locking people up. There are strict guidelines for flogging, it is not meant to be as bloodthirsty as pirate whippings or slave whippings you might see in TV dramas.
Hand-chopping? as I mentioned already, if someone steals because of extreme need (I mean of food or other sustanence for him/herself or his family) then the punishment does not apply. Only persistent thieves who do so for profit are meant to be punished in this way. And I don't have a problem with that, I save my compassion for people who are victims of theft and not the greedy perpetrators. It can be absolutely devastating to be the victim of a burglary, or even a handbag snatch or pickpocket or something.
The real irony here is that the first Islamic community, headed by the Prophet peace be upon him, was a model of tolerance and inclusiveness. The sizeable number of Jews in the community were given the right to live by their own laws and conduct their own affairs according to their scriptures - although they also had recourse to the Islamic legal process if they wished.
Thanks to the dear old Archbish of Canterbury, Islam and Muslims are once again on the front pages of most of the newspapers and the usual rabidly anti-Islam columnists are gleefully sharpening their knives. To be fair to the bearded one (the A of C that is), I doubt it was his intention to stir up trouble. He seems to realise that there is more to Shariah than the hudd penalties (capital punishment for murder and adultery, and hand-chopping for persistent theft which is not due to extreme need), and he would like us all to sit down and have a sensible discussion over a nice cup of tea.
Clearly Shariah law has an image problem in the west. It is assuredly not the way it is painted in the media here. As I Muslim I understand 'Shariah' to be - the guidelines given by God as to how He wants us to live our lives. It encompasses many things, for example worship, and how we conduct relationships with others. It literally means 'the Road' or 'the Way'.
Non-Muslims in the west immediately think of 'stoning women' or 'chopping hands' when the hear the words 'shariah law'. They also think of countries like Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iran and believe that these countries follow Islamic Law. This is very far from the truth. There is no country in the world in which Islamic Law/Shariah is implemented. If it was, believe me I for one would be the first one to hop on a plane and emigrate there.
Regarding adultery, firstly let me say that men and women are equally guilty before God and the punishment applies to both of them. If you look at the record of countries like Iran you will find that both men and women are executed for adultery in roughly the same numbers (and men are executed for rape) however in the western press you will only find reports of cases of executed women.
If Islamic Law were truly implemented, adultery would be next to impossible to prove. It requires the testimony of four witnesses of good character, and they have to be able to swear that they saw penetration take place. Not that they saw two naked people rolling around on top of each other, but that they actually witnessed the male member penetrate the female genitals. (pardon my explicitness but that is the law, and Islamically speaking there should not be any squeamishness when it comes to such a serious issue).
Two other issues should make it even harder to bring forth an accusation of adultery against anyone:
1. in Islam it is absolutely forbidden to voice an unconfirmed suspicion of adultery or other immoral behaviour without definite proof. If anyone accuses someone of adultery without bringing forth the required witnesses, they are to be flogged and their witness is for ever after disregarded, a source of great shame for them.
2. as Muslims we are absolutely forbidden to spy or pry into other people's private rooms or dwellings. If there is a knock on my door and I don't see anyone there when I look through the spyhole, I usually guess it is a Muslim caller who has stood to one side after knocking so that they don't inadvertantly see into my home without being invited by myself. That is the custom and to do otherwise is seen as terribly rude.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) never pursued cases of adultery against anyone. In the rare cases where the punishment of death was applied, it was always people coming to him and confessing their sin and demanding punishment. Once, a man confessed to committing adultery and asked for the punishment, which the Prophet pbuh ordered to be carried out. Later on, those who carried out the punishment reported that the man had run away but they chased him and brought him back and killed him - the Prophet pbuh told them "You should have let him go". From this it seems very clear that only those who ask for the punishment should have it carried out on them.
Given all of the above, it is amazing that anyone should ever be convicted of adultery. That, I am sure, is exactly how it should be, not the awful cases that are reported sometimes about rape victims being flogged in Pakistan or women being sentenced to death after retracting their confession (in the case I remember the Sudanese woman was in any case divorced, so even if she had illegal sexual intercourse it was fornication rather than adultery - and the punishment for fornication in Islam is 100 lashes).
There is one more thing to say about adultery - those who believe in the Old Testament (ie Jews and Christians) have no basis for calling the death penalty for adultery barbaric as it clearly commanded by God there. Even if they believe that law is now abrogated, there is no doubt that it was once a command of God that the adulterer receive the death penalty, and for a certainty many people in old testament times were stoned to death for this (as well as other things - see the OT for a full list).
As for public flogging as a punishment for other, minor, offences - in many cases it could be better than a prison sentence, more effective as a deterrant and also more humane than locking people up. There are strict guidelines for flogging, it is not meant to be as bloodthirsty as pirate whippings or slave whippings you might see in TV dramas.
Hand-chopping? as I mentioned already, if someone steals because of extreme need (I mean of food or other sustanence for him/herself or his family) then the punishment does not apply. Only persistent thieves who do so for profit are meant to be punished in this way. And I don't have a problem with that, I save my compassion for people who are victims of theft and not the greedy perpetrators. It can be absolutely devastating to be the victim of a burglary, or even a handbag snatch or pickpocket or something.
The real irony here is that the first Islamic community, headed by the Prophet peace be upon him, was a model of tolerance and inclusiveness. The sizeable number of Jews in the community were given the right to live by their own laws and conduct their own affairs according to their scriptures - although they also had recourse to the Islamic legal process if they wished.
Monday, January 28, 2008
New Year Update
Well we have an official diagnosis of ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) for Zeno. I had been thinking of the Aspergers label but the Paediatrician was very cautious about giving any label other than ASD and said he was reluctant to define it any further, although he said we could also call it 'High Functioning Autism'. "Don't get carried away with thinking 'high functioning' means Zeno is not much affected. He may be very much affected and have extreme difficulties in some areas, which we should be ready to recognise."
I wasn't sure how to take that really. Stefan also said that Zeno found it hard to know what is going on in other people's heads, which is something that everyone else (everyone not autistic that is) begins to grasp in a rudimentary way from babyhood. This can cause problems with communicating with people - just having a conversation can be frustrating for both parties. Also it might make the world a scary place sometimes if one is unable to understand other people or empathise with them.
It was an interesting meeting. I vaguely recall the psychologist (there were 3 doctors there) saying we could have an 'educational psychology' assessment which I am really keen on. We talked briefly about some of the problems of educating someone at the high-functioning end of autism, eg the difficulty they sometimes have with simple maths or learning to tell the time from an analogue clock despite high intelligence, and concentration problems, amongst other things. It's always such a relief to find someone who doesn't furrow their brows and look worried when you tell them things, but is really blase and tells you "oh yes that's quite usual in these cases".
Anyway, nothing is really static alhamdulillah. Right now Zeno is sitting at the table doing maths worksheets which up to now he has really passionately hated, but he actually asked me for them and is enjoying doing them. they are only simple addition (3 rows of double figures) but anyway that is what the psychologist suggested at the meeting - go back to the basics. He's a whizz at fractions and some other more complicated maths masha'Allah but if the basics aren't covered you always run into problems. He's almost nine years old, and I have to admit that I sometimes tie myself in knots worrying about his education and the fact that he is so behind 'schooled' children in some areas (even though he is way ahead in others). The areas in which he is ahead are those which interest him, and I stress about the fact that everyone needs to knuckle down sometimes and work at things which may not interest us - if he can't do that, is he disadvantaged? Should I be more tyrannical about covering the national curriculum, making him write, etc.?
Educationally, there are a few things I want to cover in the next month or two:
Go over maths basics again: addition, subtraction, multiplication tables
Arabic reading - sight reading of 'fatiha' and the 3 'quls'
Qur'an - Stick with the 15 or so short surahs he knows by heart and revise them regularly
Islamic Studies - continue with the textbook
English - carry on with the present programme which alhamdulillah is going well
Science, history, geography - these subjects interest Zeno and he reads a lot by himself, which is fine for now.
I intend to do some cooking together with the kids insha'Allah as a way to encourage Zeno to broaden his diet.
I would like to make a point of taking him to every scout meeting (unfortunately they're only every fortnight anyway), and finding some other regular group to attend other than the informal home-edders get-togethers (without structure and a common aim socialising can sometimes end in tears with Zeno).
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