Today got into the lift with Zeno, going to school for the afternoon lessons. The lift stopped on its way down, at the fourth floor and before the door opened he muttered (very loud mutter) "Jerks!". I barely had time to rebuke and warn him before the doors opened fully and our neighbors from the lower floor got in. They are a lovely elderly couple, very pleasant. Zeno's response to their greeting was to turn his back on them and say angrily "TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS LIFT!". I tried to smooth things over by saying he was feeling a bit claustrophobic. "No school today?" the man asked, and I said we were going in for afternoon lessons. "I take it he doesn't want to go?" the man smiled, as his wife nudged him and said "shush, shush, don't". "It's okay he doesn't mind too much" I said but Zeno immediately contradicted me by saying in his angry voice "I DO MIND!!! I DO!!"
I shouldn't feel upset or embarrassed but I do. I think it's more of a dread that they (or whoever) might judge Zeno for appearing to be rude and uncaring. One of the reasons we try to teach our children good manners is so that they will be liked and accepted by others. As a naive young mother I had thought that all I had to do was model good manners and then remind my children a few (hundred) times. I used to think that children were rude and selfish and so on because that's how their families treated them. They didn't have the benefit of a good example, was all. Oh how we do judge!
Anyhow, Zeno got a lecture as we sat on the bus. There are 6 billion people on the planet and if everyone is grumpy to everyone else all the time it makes life so unpleasant. I (I said) like to have a positive experience every time I come into contact with others, whether it is my family, the neighbors, the shopkeeper etc. I am polite and friendly to people and when people are polite and friendly back it makes me feel good. If people are grumpy and rude to me, it makes me feel upset. Life is more pleasant if only we can be nice to each other.......and so on (and on!). It didn't seem to make any impact on Zeno, sadly. He just gave that low growl that Marge Simpson taught him (bad habits are easier to pick up, it seems). The final, the ultimate argument in favour of making more effort to be pleasant to people and not grumpy, is of course that it pleases God, and the other kind of behaviour doesn't. We've spoken before (okay, I've spoken before) about how this life is short, although it doesn't feel like it when you're 12. We are alive for eternity. This life on earth is only the blink of eye, less than the blink of an eye, compared to eternity. This is a very good reason for being patient and forbearing about whatever befalls us during our lifetime on this earth. Being patient, not rising to angry feelings, accepting whatever we cannot change - this is what makes us successful in the context of eternity. People who are greedy and selfish often become powerful and "successful" in this life. But success in this life is no guarantee of success in the next life - which is infinitely longer than the present one. The only way to guarantee eternal happiness, rather than eternal sorrow, is to seek to please God in all our actions. Pleasing God means being patient and kind to people, not being selfish and rude. Forgiving people when they upset you or do you wrong, just as you hope God will forgive you. True, it's not easy. But, it can be worked on. With a little practice, we can get better at all of the actions that please God. Even if we fail sometimes, He will reward us for the efforts we make, and when we ask for His forgiveness it is freely given.
Insha'Allah I will keep telling Zeno and one day it might bear fruit.......
