It's a lovely evening, warm and quite windy so that the trees outside are rustling very relaxingly. The kids are asleep and Abuzein just went to work the night shift. I should go to bed really as I am pretty knackered but I don't feel sleepy.
Zudie is improving a lot these days, in his speech and language as well as general behaviour. Speech therapy has really helped a lot I think. We've been to 5 sessions already and he has started to interact a bit with the therapist and give her a bit of eye contact as well as taking part a little bit in the 'turn-taking' games although not really the 'saying hello to the toys' game at the beginning. The advice she gives for activities to do with him at home are really useful and we've been putting in some intensive work with Zudie which is really showing benefits, alhamdulillah. His speech is a lot clearer and his use of language is more correct and in context now, although still not like that of other 4-5 year olds. He knows most of the colours now although still confuses them sometimes. He will sometimes use pronouns correctly now, and quite often says "I" instead of "he". I think he mostly says "I don't want it" instead of "he doesn't want it" which he used to say when referring to himself, for example. He will also sometimes say "you" appropriately. There's still a way to go though.
I've been trying to write down examples of his language use, because my mind usually goes blank whenever I'm asked about it at our appointments with the professionals. As I am still trying to teach him the colours (we've been working on it for at least 2 years), he can now answer my question "what colour is this?" or "what colour is Thomas?". Whether he gets the answer right is immaterial to me, just understanding the question and saying the name of a colour is progress, as he would often reply just "colour". Now he is trying to copy me by asking the question "what colour is......?(this, or Mr Happy, or whatever). But what he actually says is "what's this is green?". Some variations are: "whose James is red?" "where's Herbies is orange?" - and today, "whose green is yellow?" So his problem with processing language is fairly obvious.
One of the 'speech and language' experts came to the preschool to observe him. She had a few tries at talking to him but he either ignored her or turned away saying "no, no". But she did discreetly observe me talking to him and him answering so she was able to write something in her notes. She also saw how he freaked out a bit when a spot of paint got on his hand. When I spoke to her later it emerged that she thought he was three, so I had to tell her that actually he is nearly five. That was a bit depressing. I also got totally peed off talking to one of the preschool assistants later who made it clear that she didn't think he had a problem at all, except for being the son of a neurotic mother. I suppose they are a bit surprised that I haven't left Zudie (or Boudie, who attends as well) at the preschool except for 15 minutes at a time lurking in the hall listening out for him, in case he has a meltdown cos he can't see me. They haven't seen him in screaming meltdown mode and if I'm really careful about making sure he's settled before I leave him for a full session, they never will insha'Allah - even though that will make them think I've got munchausen-by-proxy or something. The assistant also expressed the view that Zudie has improved so much since starting at the preschool 6 weeks ago, implying that it is all because of finally getting away from (S)mother even if only for 15 minutes. I started to try and set her straight but gave up because what's the point? She's obviously too dim to realise that he hasn't actually changed that much, he's just being more himself cos he's getting used to the preschool.
Anyway the SALT person said she really wasn't sure whether he is on the autistic spectrum or just has a severe language delay. I can't help feeling the tiniest bit frustrated that my son, who is read to and spoken to far more than any other kids I know, should have this particular problem which is so often seen as a result of parental neglect. I know so many parents who barely speak to their sprogs except to say "get up" "shut up" "eat it" "go to bed" - and their kids are still as chatty and outgoing as you could want. Well alhamdulillah for everything, his problems are miniscule compared with some kids I have seen, and I have to lift myself up a bit by thinking that without the attention we try to give him he might be worse.
I would be glad to know for sure that he doesn't have ASD, but I wonder about the little obsessions he has and the habit he has of holding objects at funny angles and staring at them, holding his cars or trains or whatever right up to the corner of his eyes and looking at them; and the way he gets so absorbed with lining up his toys and having a screaming fit if the line is broken by anyone. Not to mention the fact that it is impossible to get him to wear anything other than 2 particular pairs of trousers and one smelly pair of trainers without socks (I know some people think I should just MAKE him but believe me I have tried and it's not worth it). He has got less fussy about t-shirts now and will mostly wear any short-sleeved t-shirt (definitely no long sleeves unless they're pyjamas and it's bedtime). It's possible that he just has a few of these autistic characteristics without actually having Autistic Spectrum Disorder. Only time will tell. I can definitely say that after a peak when he was about 3-4, his autistic-type behaviours seem to be lessening. I hope it continues like this, insha'Allah. I am thinking that it might be because his confidence has increased as his language skills have improved.
I have to confess that we had some really bad wobbles over the past year. I know it is not really pc to use the word 'handicapped' now, but I'm going to say it anyway - a few times over the past year I looked at him and thought, oh my God he's a handicapped child, he's never going to be normal. The worst times were when trying to explain something to him and he would just refuse to look at me and open his mouth and scream. It was quite scary knowing that I just could not get through to him, that nothing I was saying was getting through to him, he wasn't understanding a word. Up until then, until he reached the age of four, I could regard him as still a 'toddler' that you couldn't expect to reason with or make understand why he couldn't have something or go somewhere that he particularly wanted. When Zudie reached his fourth birthday his younger brother was 2 and a half and starting to be very communicative and cooperative, so the difference was really apparent. Thank God, thank God, it seems that it was just a stage Zudie was going through and he is much better now. He will often accept it now when I tell him he can't have something immediately, but he can have it later. I think that at the age of 4 he was really more like an 18 month old in his understanding, but now, nearly a year later, he's more like a 3 year old.
What a long post! At last that sleepy feeling is creeping over me, and I must go to bed.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Common Errors in English Usage
.
Here is a website to gladden the hearts of everyone who, like me, gets distressed when they see the english language being mangled and abused - and yet who, like me, suspect that their own usage of the language isn't by any means perfect.
http://www.wsu.edu:8080/%7Ebrians/errors/errors.html
Scroll down for an alphabetical list of the most common errors people make.
Here is a website to gladden the hearts of everyone who, like me, gets distressed when they see the english language being mangled and abused - and yet who, like me, suspect that their own usage of the language isn't by any means perfect.
http://www.wsu.edu:8080/%7Ebrians/errors/errors.html
Scroll down for an alphabetical list of the most common errors people make.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Mayor Boris
We are all a bit gloomy here about the new Mayor. Just yesterday going home on the tube I was remembering how I had to pay a child fare for Zeno when he was 5, and now I don't pay even though he's 9, thanks to Uncle Ken's policy of free tube and bus travel for under 11s. The way Boris has been bleating on about how he will certainly keep the 'Freedom Pass' for OAPs makes me suspect that he's got his eye on making the kiddies pay. The man is already an MP, how is it possible for him to be allowed to stand for Mayor, as if both of these roles were only part-time? Ken Livingstone wasn't perfect, far from it, but he is a bone fide Londoner and passionate about this city being the capital of the world, and at least a little bit tolerant. Anway, Zoe Williams in the Guardain sums up my feelings on the matter and exposes Boris for the racist snob he is.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/may/01/boris.livingstone
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/may/01/boris.livingstone
Zudie Update May 2008
The good news is we finally got some speech therapy for Zudie, a block of 6 sessions. Boudie comes along too, as the therapist says he is a good 'model' for what she wants Zudie to say and do. We've had 2 sessions so far, and I have to carry out her suggestions throughout the week. So far we've worked on taking turns (a major problem for Zudie), and greetings, which he is totally opposed to on principle, although he is happy enough to say 'goodbye' to everyone. He spends a lot of time under the chair at the speech therapists office, and shouting 'No!' if Mum starts singing (little salafi lol). He hasn't joined in much so far but at least I am picking up lots of useful advice and insights - it was Meredith who recommended the book More Than Words and who photocopied a lot of it for me. I do find it a bit bizarre the way she speaks in a high-pitched, sing-song voice but I suppose she knows her business. If I attempted that Zudie would pinch me and dig his nails in till I bled, he hates me to change the tone of my voice or raise it or sound too happy or excited about anything.
One of the other professionals we saw sent me a huge book of Social Stories (photocopied which must have taken ages, God bless her). Actually I find the 'early readers' (Oxford Reading Tree eg) also very useful for Zudie, very simple and direct sentances that seem to help him learn how to use verbs and pronouns. He loves them and repeats after me. He seems to need to hear things about a million times before he can relate them to other situations; although he says things or repeats things sometimes I don't think he really knows what he's saying half the time.
Both Zudie and Boudie went along to preschool for a couple of afternoons, and Boudie seemed to love it. Zudie stuck close to me the whole time of course and didn't interact with the other children at all although he joined Boudie in playing with some trains and track for a while. at 2pm the teacher makes all the children sit down at tables and then one of the children doles out juice and a biscuit - she got Boudie to do it on the 2nd day and he loved it. However after juice they have to stay in their chairs for ages (nearly half an hour) while she holds up pictures and cards and asks them questions, which I thought was a bit too long for that age group (most of them are 3). Boudie was bored of course and Zudie was fit to be tied so I had to leave. I will carry on for a few weeks, I doubt if I will be able to leave them there, or not Zudie anyway. They are all nice ladies at the preschool but after all these years home-educating my mindset has totally changed and I found it a bit disturbing that all these 3 year olds were taken from hearth and home and left there to begin the process of institutionalisation which will continue through primary school and secondary until they either go to uni or join the world of work. Couldn't they just have a few more years of carefree play? It's much more sensible to stay at home till at least 7, which is what the Europeans do (or so I am always told).
Got a phone call yesterday from a Clinical Psychologist who said Zudie had been referred to them by the Paediatrician. There still is no decision about whether to diagnose Zudie as ASD or not, they offered us an appointment in about 4 weeks and said they also wanted to observe him in preschool 'when he has settled in' which privately I don't think he ever will but as ever I am willing to be proved wrong.
One of the other professionals we saw sent me a huge book of Social Stories (photocopied which must have taken ages, God bless her). Actually I find the 'early readers' (Oxford Reading Tree eg) also very useful for Zudie, very simple and direct sentances that seem to help him learn how to use verbs and pronouns. He loves them and repeats after me. He seems to need to hear things about a million times before he can relate them to other situations; although he says things or repeats things sometimes I don't think he really knows what he's saying half the time.
Both Zudie and Boudie went along to preschool for a couple of afternoons, and Boudie seemed to love it. Zudie stuck close to me the whole time of course and didn't interact with the other children at all although he joined Boudie in playing with some trains and track for a while. at 2pm the teacher makes all the children sit down at tables and then one of the children doles out juice and a biscuit - she got Boudie to do it on the 2nd day and he loved it. However after juice they have to stay in their chairs for ages (nearly half an hour) while she holds up pictures and cards and asks them questions, which I thought was a bit too long for that age group (most of them are 3). Boudie was bored of course and Zudie was fit to be tied so I had to leave. I will carry on for a few weeks, I doubt if I will be able to leave them there, or not Zudie anyway. They are all nice ladies at the preschool but after all these years home-educating my mindset has totally changed and I found it a bit disturbing that all these 3 year olds were taken from hearth and home and left there to begin the process of institutionalisation which will continue through primary school and secondary until they either go to uni or join the world of work. Couldn't they just have a few more years of carefree play? It's much more sensible to stay at home till at least 7, which is what the Europeans do (or so I am always told).
Got a phone call yesterday from a Clinical Psychologist who said Zudie had been referred to them by the Paediatrician. There still is no decision about whether to diagnose Zudie as ASD or not, they offered us an appointment in about 4 weeks and said they also wanted to observe him in preschool 'when he has settled in' which privately I don't think he ever will but as ever I am willing to be proved wrong.
Zeno Update May 2008
We just had a home visit from the Educational Psychologist, who chatted with us for a while then got Zeno to do a couple of verbal and non-verbal tests. She said she will write a report and send us a copy. She does a lot of work in Hallfield School and seemed to think they would be amenable to having Zeno as a pupil for a few hours a week, and also that they would meet his needs for constant movement, talking non-stop, and also respect his writing phobia and not make him write if he didn't want to (she mentioned teaching him to touch type which I have been planning to do for a while and giving him a laptop in the classroom).
Part-time school (it's usually called flexi-schooling) is something me and Zeno have discussed often. The only worry I have would be if our home-education would have to be more structured and results-based if the school is involved, rather than fairly autonomous which is the way we have been going. I definitely won't have him taking part in any SATs rubbish. If I'm honest I only see school as an opportunity for someone else to give me a hand with teaching Zeno to be a social being; how to make friends and how to talk to people his own age without immediately turning them off him, which I haven't been able to do so far. I get a bit frustrated because I see his speech pattern as a major factor in this, not just his conversation which is how the professionals have assessed the problem. I would like him to have some kind of therapy for his stammer and help in speaking more directly and in simpler sentances. He is totally incapable of giving a simple answer to a simple question, in fact when you ask a simple question you get a verbal essay back on the subject, its background, main points and final summing-up. Anyone would find that a turn-off, let alone your average 8-10 yr old who has wandered off long before Zeno has even warmed up to his subject. I wish I knew how to help him but even if I did would I have the time? Zudie needs really intensive help at the moment as well, and he is still at that crucial stage of just beginning to process language, he is way behind even his younger brother but alhamdulillah he is improving, although painfully slowly.
Zeno went to the zoo with the scouts last Sunday, he seemed to enjoy it especially since they saw some meerkats (one of his present obsessions). Unfortunately he left his jacket behind, as I pointed out when I picked him up from Regents Park Masjid. He immediately burst into load sobs which made the other children stare a bit. He hates to lose anything. We trudged back around to the zoo, which was not as close as I thought and took ages and his jacket hadn't been handed in anyway - cue more theatrical crying (although he was genuinely upset but Zeno lives his life as if he's on stage and wants to make sure he is being heard in the stalls).
Anyway the good thing was I decided to walk back by way of the canal, and it was a lovely walk on the towpath nearly all the way home, the peace only disturbed by the constant wailing of Zeno for his lost jacket, his remonstrations with me for making him take it and for the villains who took it and didn't hand it in. All the way home lol.
Part-time school (it's usually called flexi-schooling) is something me and Zeno have discussed often. The only worry I have would be if our home-education would have to be more structured and results-based if the school is involved, rather than fairly autonomous which is the way we have been going. I definitely won't have him taking part in any SATs rubbish. If I'm honest I only see school as an opportunity for someone else to give me a hand with teaching Zeno to be a social being; how to make friends and how to talk to people his own age without immediately turning them off him, which I haven't been able to do so far. I get a bit frustrated because I see his speech pattern as a major factor in this, not just his conversation which is how the professionals have assessed the problem. I would like him to have some kind of therapy for his stammer and help in speaking more directly and in simpler sentances. He is totally incapable of giving a simple answer to a simple question, in fact when you ask a simple question you get a verbal essay back on the subject, its background, main points and final summing-up. Anyone would find that a turn-off, let alone your average 8-10 yr old who has wandered off long before Zeno has even warmed up to his subject. I wish I knew how to help him but even if I did would I have the time? Zudie needs really intensive help at the moment as well, and he is still at that crucial stage of just beginning to process language, he is way behind even his younger brother but alhamdulillah he is improving, although painfully slowly.
Zeno went to the zoo with the scouts last Sunday, he seemed to enjoy it especially since they saw some meerkats (one of his present obsessions). Unfortunately he left his jacket behind, as I pointed out when I picked him up from Regents Park Masjid. He immediately burst into load sobs which made the other children stare a bit. He hates to lose anything. We trudged back around to the zoo, which was not as close as I thought and took ages and his jacket hadn't been handed in anyway - cue more theatrical crying (although he was genuinely upset but Zeno lives his life as if he's on stage and wants to make sure he is being heard in the stalls).
Anyway the good thing was I decided to walk back by way of the canal, and it was a lovely walk on the towpath nearly all the way home, the peace only disturbed by the constant wailing of Zeno for his lost jacket, his remonstrations with me for making him take it and for the villains who took it and didn't hand it in. All the way home lol.
Kildare/Dublin Visit
It's been really busy here alhamdulillah. Went to Ireland end of March for the first time in 10 years. It was really strange to be back and seeing all the familiar places that I had completely forgotten about. I'm such a Londoner these days that I forgot I am also a Dubliner (Northside!) and it felt good to be back. It was only a flying visit so there wasn't much time for wandering around old haunts but some day insha'Allah I plan to go back and do that very thing. Cabra looked just the same, we drove past the old house and my brother asked if we would go in but I couldn't face it, too many memories of Ma and Granny hanging round the place. Over Broombridge and into Finglas was where I noticed most of the changes, it's now very built up where there used to be just quiet back roads and fields.
I didn't see much of town, just that some idiotic millenium monument has been erected (the mot juste believe me) in the middle of O'Connell Street, a meaningless towering needle that filled me with rage. Easons was a bit of a disappointment as it used to be such a magical place for me, I would spend hours browsing the departments (religion/spirituality was always a favourite, and the art department). It was all changed of course but not for the better, no comfy chairs and coffee like Books Etc. A bit boring and uninviting. Also I noticed most of their books about Islam were written by non-Muslims which was annoying. They did have one by Tariq Ramadan though which I picked up together with a Horrible History of Dublin for Zeno which I hadn't seen here. However I don't want to do it an injustice, it might still be the best bookshop in Dublin.
Visited Kildare for the first time, where my sister and most of her grown-up children live. Two of them have their own families now and it was lovely to see them all, and as I didn't have my own kids with me I could just concentrate on being an aunt (and great-aunt) for a change. Kildare reminded me a little bit of Dorset although flatter (surprisingly flat altogether actually but very green). Athy seems like a nice little town and a good place to live for someone who likes the quiet life. Niece #1l recently got back from an extended stay in South Africa so it was interesting to hear her impressions of the place and the people. Niece 2 was a star and drove us everywhere even though she was tired out from a visit to the UK (we flew to Dublin together). I visited Niece 3 in the middle of the country where they have over an acre and are full of exciting plans to build a house on their land. She has a daughter and a son and one on the way insha'Allah; the boy is a toddler and plump and gorgeous and the girl is a little bit older and so beautiful and clever masha'Allah. Niece 4 lives in London at the moment lol so didn't see her. Also visited Niece 5 at her beautiful house and got to see her 3 kids who are so lively and chatty and beautiful (I know I sound like a biased auntie but they really are exceptionally good-looking kids masha'Allah). I also got to see nieces 6 and 7 (#7 is the daughter of another sister, the one in Dorset), they are still living in Dublin and busy with their jobs and their hectic social lives....turning heads and breaking a few hearts no doubt, the tall brunette and the petite blonde.
Also managed to spend a day and a half with brother #2 and his wife in Mulhuddart, which has definitely changed beyond recognition. I quite enjoyed taking a walk around the place with Jane (sister #6). Their eldest girl has moved out now, but they still have 3 kids living at home (youngest is nearly 14 I think). They are really lovely kids and very brainy all of them masha'Allah. Went for a drive in the mountains and saw some amazing scenery. Wicklow is really beautiful and you could almost survive on the fresh air alone. Went to Glencrea and saw the detention centre where Grandad was incarcerated as a boy (for loitering, which is outrageous when you think that he was just a penniless orphan with nothing to do and nowhere to go anyway). I don't know how grim his life there was, he spent a few years there anyway before he left and went to fight in the first world war. It is now a centre for reconciliation - not for the poor boys who were locked up there for no other crime than existing, and being poor and powerless, but for those affected by the 'troubles' in Northern Ireland.
I loved the mountains, the desolate scenery and the nourishing air, the colours (purple, grey-blue, brown and green-black). I felt like I could live there and be a wild woman of the mountains, washing in the streams and shaking my fist and muttering at the passing tourists (pretty much what the present inhabitants of Wicklow do hehe). It has the same attraction for me as the desert, although you might not see the similarities at first. Something to do with the huge sky, the emptiness of the landscape which is so soothing and which lets you connect with something deep inside rather than having to engage with externals. No details or bright colours to tire the eyes only huge skies and mountain ranges, silence except for the wind (not even a bird singing)....no smells, only pure mountain air. Bliss.
I didn't see much of town, just that some idiotic millenium monument has been erected (the mot juste believe me) in the middle of O'Connell Street, a meaningless towering needle that filled me with rage. Easons was a bit of a disappointment as it used to be such a magical place for me, I would spend hours browsing the departments (religion/spirituality was always a favourite, and the art department). It was all changed of course but not for the better, no comfy chairs and coffee like Books Etc. A bit boring and uninviting. Also I noticed most of their books about Islam were written by non-Muslims which was annoying. They did have one by Tariq Ramadan though which I picked up together with a Horrible History of Dublin for Zeno which I hadn't seen here. However I don't want to do it an injustice, it might still be the best bookshop in Dublin.
Visited Kildare for the first time, where my sister and most of her grown-up children live. Two of them have their own families now and it was lovely to see them all, and as I didn't have my own kids with me I could just concentrate on being an aunt (and great-aunt) for a change. Kildare reminded me a little bit of Dorset although flatter (surprisingly flat altogether actually but very green). Athy seems like a nice little town and a good place to live for someone who likes the quiet life. Niece #1l recently got back from an extended stay in South Africa so it was interesting to hear her impressions of the place and the people. Niece 2 was a star and drove us everywhere even though she was tired out from a visit to the UK (we flew to Dublin together). I visited Niece 3 in the middle of the country where they have over an acre and are full of exciting plans to build a house on their land. She has a daughter and a son and one on the way insha'Allah; the boy is a toddler and plump and gorgeous and the girl is a little bit older and so beautiful and clever masha'Allah. Niece 4 lives in London at the moment lol so didn't see her. Also visited Niece 5 at her beautiful house and got to see her 3 kids who are so lively and chatty and beautiful (I know I sound like a biased auntie but they really are exceptionally good-looking kids masha'Allah). I also got to see nieces 6 and 7 (#7 is the daughter of another sister, the one in Dorset), they are still living in Dublin and busy with their jobs and their hectic social lives....turning heads and breaking a few hearts no doubt, the tall brunette and the petite blonde.
Also managed to spend a day and a half with brother #2 and his wife in Mulhuddart, which has definitely changed beyond recognition. I quite enjoyed taking a walk around the place with Jane (sister #6). Their eldest girl has moved out now, but they still have 3 kids living at home (youngest is nearly 14 I think). They are really lovely kids and very brainy all of them masha'Allah. Went for a drive in the mountains and saw some amazing scenery. Wicklow is really beautiful and you could almost survive on the fresh air alone. Went to Glencrea and saw the detention centre where Grandad was incarcerated as a boy (for loitering, which is outrageous when you think that he was just a penniless orphan with nothing to do and nowhere to go anyway). I don't know how grim his life there was, he spent a few years there anyway before he left and went to fight in the first world war. It is now a centre for reconciliation - not for the poor boys who were locked up there for no other crime than existing, and being poor and powerless, but for those affected by the 'troubles' in Northern Ireland.
I loved the mountains, the desolate scenery and the nourishing air, the colours (purple, grey-blue, brown and green-black). I felt like I could live there and be a wild woman of the mountains, washing in the streams and shaking my fist and muttering at the passing tourists (pretty much what the present inhabitants of Wicklow do hehe). It has the same attraction for me as the desert, although you might not see the similarities at first. Something to do with the huge sky, the emptiness of the landscape which is so soothing and which lets you connect with something deep inside rather than having to engage with externals. No details or bright colours to tire the eyes only huge skies and mountain ranges, silence except for the wind (not even a bird singing)....no smells, only pure mountain air. Bliss.
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