Birthdays

My second eldest sister is 52 today! It's a bit scary that time is flying by so fast, but also quite reassuring that being 50+ isn't as elderly as it used to be - Bobbie is embarking on a new business venture and has also just started a college course. I turned 40 myself on my last birthday, which was surprisingly untraumatic - maybe because of having 4 older sisters who are aging very well lol, masha'Allah. I don't really feel any worse than I did as a teenager or a twentysomething, in fact I feel lots better, alhamdulillah, much happier and more tranquil.

Of course being a Muslim is the main reason for that, although having kids also has contributed to my contentment. I suffered from depression a lot in my twenties, but never since becoming a Muslim have I had a bad depression. Alhamdulillah - all praise and thanks belongs to God.

Well it's good for me to reflect at the moment that being a mother has also been such a hugely positive thing in my life. Just at the moment the kids are being incredibly trying, especially Zudie. It seems impossible for him to understand that I cannot immediately bring him whatever he asks me for - so for example he wants his toy 'racing car', and he calls out "Mama, racing car". I don't know where his racing car is but I tell him to come with me and we'll look for it - which we do, unsuccessfully.
"I'm sorry Zudie I can't find it."
"Racing car."
"I don't know where your racing car is."
"Racing car."
"Sorry Zudie I can't find it."
"Racing car."
By now he is crying and shouting repeatedly "racing car." If I walk away he will continue to shout after me "Mama, mama, racing car." He can do this for an indefinite period. I mean literally hours. I will end up with palpitations and the shakes from the effort of remaining calm.
I can't possibly allow myself to become angry or shout at him because he does not understand at all and it is not his fault. Distraction would be a good idea, except to mention any other toy, or a DVD that he loves, or a storybook he usually enjoys, will make him hysterically angry and he will either hit me or throw something at me or across the room.
Neither does he understand the concept of waiting for anything. If he asks me for juice when I'm busy, telling him "Wait a minute" gets either monotonous repetition of his request until it's fulfilled or sometimes tears or hysteria if he's feeling particularly impatient.
On a positive note, lately he has been really enjoying drawing pictures and copying out letters and numbers. He amazed me one day by coming to sit beside me with his pencil and paper, and then writing his name almost perfectly! turned out his dad had just written it for him to copy, but he was able to turn the page and write it again. masha'Allah. That is completely different from his older brother, who even at 9 years old never writes anything voluntarily.