Telling Your Child He Has Autism

I chose to tell him while we were out walking. The three of them ran on ahead as usual, but I called Zeno back, put my arm around his shoulders.
"You know how Zudie is a little behind in some things?" (Zeno had noticed this and pointed it out to me). "You know, at his age you had me reading encyclopaedias to you and you loved telling people about how the solar system works. You were a little ahead of other 4 year olds. But Zudie isn't like that, he's a little behind other 4 year olds. "
"Yes, he doesn't talk properly at all."
"Well, it might be because of something called autism. The doctor we went to see thinks Zoudie might have autism. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with him, just something a bit different - autistic children are a bit different from children who don't have autism."
(I'm thinking, did I say that right? I wish I had rehearsed it a bit. And now that I've brought up the subject by referring to Zudie, it's time to carefully bring it around to Zeno).
"Sometimes children who have autism are a bit behind other children in things like speaking and understanding. Sometimes children who have autism are a bit ahead in some things."
"Have I got autism?"
The directness of his question knocks me for six. I had got all psyched up to tell him he had autism, and now that all I had to say was one word "yes", I was hesitating.
"Yes, you and Zoudie probably both have autism, but different kinds".
"Can I go now? I want to go in the phone box at the bottom of the hill."
"Ok, but don't phone anyone."
And off he ran down the hill after his brothers.
I know that right now he probably has no clue about what autism is, and when he finds out there might be trouble. There will need to be further discussions and explanations. But it's a good start alhamdulillah.

2007 Update

Obviously it has been a busy year, too busy to do any blogging. I had a run of nasty viruses, culminating in a dose of the chickenpox, in the first few months of 2007. Then I was post-virally indisposed for a few months. Sometimes walking from one room to another would leave me exhausted and shaky. Not good when you have kids to shop, cook and clean for as well as read to, educate, take to the playground, discipline, comfort and all the other things mothers do. I admit that some of those things weren't done as often as they should have been.

Things are better now. It's no small help that we have somewhere to go when we need to get away from the flat in London whose walls press on me so horribly. There is a garden there with a trampoline, and a beach nearby, and lots of lovely walks. Alhamdulillah.

Since I last was here on blogger, it was confirmed to us that Zeno is definitely somewhere on the autistic spectrum. He is having one more assessment soon which should tell us whether he is an Aspergers child or if he is somewhere else on the spectrum.

Zudie, who is now 4, is showing signs of autism although of a different kind, maybe a bit more challenging than 'just' Aspergers. His diagnosis hasn't been confirmed but the report we had from the Paediatrician is ominous and from his behaviour I would say there is little doubt that he has autism of some kind. We love our little Zudie and he is wonderful in so many ways, no doubt masha'Allah. But....yesterday we went to the local indoor play centre and I got chatting to a little boy who told me all about himself and his views on quite a few subjects, masha'Allah. I got a bit of a jolt when he told me he was four, the same age as Zudie who still speaks in gobbledegook and finds it hard to follow simple instructions. I know that children can vary wildly in their development and they will all more or less catch up by a certain age, but still....it gave me a bit of a pang.

We are back to London tomorrow for a round of appointments, but hoping to come back to Dorset in a couple of weeks insha'Allah.